Sun's Folly

Dogs are such idiotic creatures.

They bark and bark for no apparent reason. They can be entertained for hours by a cardboard box. To be fair, so can cats - but then, cats actually do more intelligent things with the box, like sleeping in it, whereas dogs only tear them to bits and roll in them.

And then Sun Flight reconsidered - cats could be so very entitled at times. His fellow felines were often given to extreme bouts of pride and stubbornness. Dogs barked so much. They had to be saying something, didn't they? Even if it wasn't anything worthwhile, what if it was something people needed to know?

So Sun spent a couple of days in his laboratory, pawing through old pieces and wires and parts. He attached several pieces to an old collar that Bee had found out in the human world. Then there was the matter of testing it.

As a rule, there were no dogs in the cats' headquarters. This would just lead to more problems than Sun could think of off the top of his head. He'd have to sneak one in somehow.

Of course, with all the figures and calculations and formulas crammed through his skull, there wasn't much room for common sense or social skills, so it never occurred to him to bring the collar OUTSIDE the base instead of bringing the dog IN. This was why Sun was never picked for any sports; he always lost track of which goal was which.

Then there was the matter of which dog. Most dogs saw cats as Thing To Chase or Object Of Loathing. However, Sun had heard of dogs growing up side by side with kittens in the human world. The pictures of 'Dog and Cat Friends' were all over the internet. So naturally, he went to Bee.

Bee lived chiefly in the human world. She bounced back and forth between two human owners, shared custody of sorts, though Bee herself decided where she wanted to be rather than the humans. Because of her involvement in human affairs, she knew every last pebble and crevice in her area of New York.

"Bee, you get around. Do you know of any nice dogs?"

Bee's ears flattened. "Nice dogs? Dogs don't even have personalities. They're all exactly the same."

"I mean un-hostile dogs. Like dogs who grew up with kittens. You know, the more friendly kind."

"There is one", Bee told him. "The humans call him Rab, or Rubble, or something like that. But all the cats just call him Happy Dog. He lives on the corner of the Big Avenue. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"I made an invention. I need to test it on something."

"Just don't inject him with anything. Or use electrodes on him." Sun had killed several hamsters this way. To be fair, he had cried a lot because of it.

Sun promised that Happy Dog would not suffer any pain. (At least, he hoped so.) After his hours on Tech Support were over, he wriggled into the harness for the little pull-cart he had made, and trotted out onto the streets of New York. The Big Avenue lay slightly to the west of the base.

But, upon getting to the corner of the Big Avenue that Bee had specified, Sun found that Happy Dog was considerably larger than he had thought. He had been envisioning a chihuahua or Bichon Frise or something along the lines of 'miniature'. But luck was not in his favour today. Happy Dog was a corgi - not too big, but far too large for the crate that Sun had smuggled from Storage. In fact, come to think of it, the box he'd brought was more of a shoebox than a crate. A chihuahua probably wouldn't even have fit in there.

So it was that Sun turned tail and trotted right back to base. He glared at the pull-cart. Happy Dog would be far too large to even fit in the cart. So he added some more panels to the pull-cart until he guessed that it was big enough for Happy Dog to fit. He plundered Storage again and found a sizable box.

By the time he'd enlarged the pull-cart and found the right box, it was dark. But even at this hour, the base thrived. Sun hardly ever slept. He wasn't tired in the least - at least not yet.

He padded back to the corner of the Big Avenue, this time a bit more slowly. The pull-cart was considerably heavier with the added panelling. Sun wondered fleetingly if he'd be able to pull it back with Happy Dog in the back.

He tried coaxing Happy Dog into the box with some celery he'd taken from the cafeteria, but as it turns out, dogs don't appreciate celery very much. Sun left the pull-cart by the fence and went back to the base for something more dog-worthy. He managed to find some roast chicken in the scrap bin behind the kitchen. (It could have been from the day before, but Sun figured dogs spent so much time eating roadkill that Happy Dog wouldn't mind terribly.)

When he got back, the pull-cart was missing. Happy Dog ate the chicken while Sun stared uncomprehendingly at the sidewalk where the pull-cart had been.

Quickly Sun swung around towards the street, wondering if something had nudged his beloved pull-cart into traffic. First came relief, for he saw no shards of pull-cart panelling lying on the road; but then, if an eighteen-wheeler had hit it, it probably would have disintegrated. Sun began to panic. For several minutes, he did the Caffeinated-Cat thing and zoomed around the block several times, slamming into a couple of buildings on the way. When he finally stopped, he caught a flash of red in the corner of his eye and turned to find the pull-cart nestled safely into a garage.

Some crunchy mom and her kids out on a walk had probably found it and decided to take it home because it was such an Adorable Little Thing. Irritated, Sun slipped his shoulders back into it and trotted back onto the sidewalk. This time he would bring the pull-cart back to the base to get the bait so it would not get stolen.

There was nothing that dogs like in the scrap bin. Sun ordered a bowl of noodles from the cafeteria. Hopefully dogs liked noodles. Then he found that the crate was missing. He left the noodles on a table in the cafeteria and went back to the house where he had found the pull-cart. It was not in the garage. He jumped up onto a windowsill and saw two small human children inside playing Make A Fort with the box.

Sun spent several minutes yowling at the sky and pacing the windowsill, during which the elder child watched him with a fascinated curiosity and the younger child went through an emotional breakdown because of the Scary Bad Kitty.

Finally, he went back and plundered Storage again, much more violently this time. He finally found a box, though not as perfect and wonderful as the old one was, and brought it back to Happy Dog. Then he had to go back for the noodles, which, by this time, had grown cold and slightly congealed. When he got back, the cart was thankfully not stolen.

Happy Dog did not mind that the noodles were cold and rode blissfully in the box with his tongue hanging out. It took Sun about 2 hours to pull the dog back to the base in the already-heavier-than-usual pull-cart.

Then, when the cats inside the outer tunnel got a whiff of the dog, there was a collective losing of heads, and Sun and Happy Dog fled the scene.

Sun pondered for awhile. There had to be another alternative. He thought very hard while he took the extra panelling off the cart and cleaned the noodles out of his fur and listened to ZZTop. (It helped him think.)

Finally he decided that the best thing to do would be to dig a tunnel directly down into the ceiling of the underground lab. It might take him several days to do this. When he finally got down far enough, he found that he could not get through the ceiling. He nearly sat down and bawled right then. But instead, he went back into the main tunnels and brooded for an entire day.

Late that night, Copper Triumph stopped by the lab. She often did this to see what he was working on and to make sure he was still alive. The orange tabby looked around and finally saw Sun pouting in the corner with rock music pounding through his ears.

"What's wrong, Sun? You're not shining today", she said.

Sun sulkily informed Copper of his dilemma. Copper laughed. "Oh, Sun", she said, "Why don't you just bring the collar aboveground and put it on Happy Dog?"

Sun jumped to his paws, his gloominess forgotten. "By the Realms! You're brilliant, Copper!" He raced past her, grabbed the collar in his jaws, and ran to the corner of the Big Avenue.

Copper, ever sensible. She shook her head with a smile and went back out to work. "I swear, some days that cat has more smarts than sense."

Sun wrestled the collar onto Happy Dog, who did not want the collar wrestled on to him. Bee emerged from the bushes nearby and watched curiously. Sun tinkered with the frequency controller. If he could get it to the right setting, it would pick up on Happy Dog's voice and translate it into a language he could understand.

"There, now speak!" he commanded the dog.

Happy Dog did not speak. He rolled over and begged to have his belly scratched.

"Come on, Happy Dog", Sun whined. Bee walked over and popped the dog on the nose.

Ow! said Happy Dog indignantly. Then: I love you. Hi. Hi. He trotted over and licked Sun hard on the side of the face. Irritated, Sun dealt him a blow on the skull.

"Easy there, Happy Dog. Can you say something more profound, please!? Don't you have nay idea how much trouble I went to to make this thing?"

Me Rab, Happy Dog informed Sun. You cat. Hi cat. Hi kitty. You much friend, Happy Dog decided.

"No, Happy Dog, I am not your friend. I just want to know why you bark all the time."

Me sing! Me famous! You friend. You play. Play! Hi! Hi! I love you! Happy Dog then slobbered all over Sun's face.

Play cat friend, said Happy Dog.

"Try talking to him like he's intelligent", Bee suggested. "Maybe he'll understand then."

"OK, Happy Dog. My name is Sun Flight", Sun informed him politely. "I am a scientist. I have given you the power of speech. Speak to the world. What are you going to say?"

Happy Dog cocked his head to one side. You come to play with Rab? He hurried inside and returned bearing a large and very disgusting stuffed raccoon. You play with friend Rab. This smell friend! This friend play! He tossed the raccoon in Sun's direction. Sun snarled at him and batted it away.

"One more chance", said Sun. "What do you want to tell the friends?"

You play friend. Play friend toy! Happy Dog pounced on Sun. Sun smacked him in the belly, this time with his claws unsheathed. Happy Dog yelped and hurried away. The collar fell onto the grass.

Sun retrieved the collar. As it turned out, dogs really WERE idiotic. But he'd never have known for sure unless he'd tried.